The ford 'wuck'..

I am sure that you must have cracked the above code in not more than a couple of seconds. If you have not, here's a hint. You are a 'fucking' moron! I guess the picture has become a lot clearer in your heads now. I believe that the word 'fuck' and its other cheap cousins like 'fucking', 'fuckers', etc. are perhaps the most frequently used words in the English dictionary today.

The Something Else..

The Overview

It is hard to believe how fast life changes at times. More often than not for the worse. The past two weeks have had their share of shocks and surprises as well as moments of absolute boredom, both of which being equally capable of driving me over the brink of madness.

The Shocker

Scherbatsky made many big decisions in the past fortnight or so, one of them being the idea of leaving Mumbai for good and settling down in her dream town of Goa. Actually, this was the second decision that she made. The first one was to get back with her ex-boyfriend whom she has been in love with for the past 4 years. It's important to mention that he lives in Goa, seems to be in great shape and has a set of teeth brighter than a bolt of lightning. I almost forgot. He has a bike as well. Now, neither of her decisions sat too well with me for obvious reasons. Mosby took things really well, as usual, thanks to a good head that he has on his shoulders. Unfortunately, I can't say the same about myself.

The Saturday

This past Saturday, I was supposed to meet Mosby and Scherbatsky at our regular Saturday hangout. Around 12:00, I learnt that Mosby can't show up since he is sick. No, not that way. I mean he was really sick. Literally. That left just the two of us. At 2:30, I was informed that Scherbatsky can't show up either since her dog was operated upon and was unconscious and it was imperative that she stays by the dog's side throughout the evening. After sending a flurry of desperate messages to her, which I'm not too proud of, and she being kind enough to reply to the same, the plan was back on. Just that it had gotten postponed a bit. So instead of being by a dog's side throughout the evening...she chose to be...well...by a dog's side throughout the evening.

The Meet

She arrived by 7:00, as promised, looking as pretty as a picture. I think she has gotten into the habit of doing that. I meant looking pretty, not keeping her promises. Anyway, I had a ball for the next three hours. It was the usual: the food, the smoke, the Scherbatsky, the beer and of course, something way cooler than beer - the rum. The Mosby element was sadly missing from the equation. I think I bored her to death with the jokes the whole evening. To add to her misery, this time around she didn't have the gentle giant to cover her or make sense out of what I was saying. Poor thing.

The Gift

The only saving grace of the evening was the fact that she loved the gift that I got for her. I really did not see that coming. I mean how many girls would say the words "I love it" when a guy gifts them a DVD set of Pirates Of The Caribbean - Trilogy?

The Bet

One of the major highlights of the evening was the bet. It took me a long time to actually make her agree to it though. The bet states that if she is not married by the age of 33 and I have stayed a virgin for the next nine sad and sorry years of my life, then we would tie the knot. You know, take the vows. Be man and wife. Be joined in the bonds of holy matrimony. I guess you get the picture. We spat on our respective hands, crossed our hearts and shook on it to seal the deal. The spitting part was disgusting, although she seemed to enjoy the look on my face when I did that.

The Door

Soon, it was her time to leave and my time to be sad. I don't think I did a very good job of concealing that. What can you expect from a drunk guy in love? I remember begging her to stay back a little longer just the way a junkie begs for more dope from someone. It was pathetic. She walked out of the door nonetheless. I sat there very still, just for a few seconds before calling her up. I remember asking her to walk in through that very door again in 15 seconds and wait for a little while before I finish my drink. But she said she had to go as it was getting late. Fortunately, I was not drunk enough to forget the sense of time. So I acceded to her request. Actually, it was more of a statement than a request. The point being the door didn't open again.

The Conclusion

She has got the job that she always wanted, the town she always wanted to stay in and the guy she has always loved. Saying that "she is on a roll" would be an understatement of epic proportions. She plans on flying off to the land of beaches by the end of this month as she needs to report to work from the 1st of August. That's right. She won't be around for Mosby's birthday either. On retrospecting, I have to say that the week following The Saturday has been a little weird. She went ballistic on me a few days back saying that she doesn't want to break my heart, she doesn't want to hurt a good friend, she doesn't want "any of this" and it is great that she is moving to Goa. I called off the bet to make her feel a little better and put a lid on the volcano. However, last night, the bet came alive again. This time...to live forever. Well, at least for the next 9 years to come. The bet reads itself out loud and clear on our respective Facebook walls and is therefore, immortalised, thanks to her .

The Something else

I can't believe that it's been just a little over a couple of months that I met this character. I don't know her completely yet. But the extent to which I do know her is enough to make me realise that she is someone I would never like to see walking out of my life. This post was supposed to serve as a medium to meet one of her conditions. The condition was that she would tell me why she was so angry the other day only and only if I post this. But now that I am by the end of the post, I realise that I really needed to write this anyway. I guess I would have written this...eventually. The reason being that I need neither bets nor conditions to tell someone that I am in love with her. I always told her that there was a story. I found the first page alright. You're reading it right now. I just hope it's not the last one. The point is that...I am going to miss her. The sad part is that she will never know how much. The girl has a hard time believing me thanks to my facetious behaviour that never seems to run its course. Fair enough. And I have a hard time letting go of the very few people I actually love. Fair enough again, I guess? Aye? It's not my fault this time though. It's hers. Because she is so good at pulling off that one trick, like no other. That one trick which I will refer to, for years to come, as 'The Something Else'.

The distance..

It is funny how a person, despite being so close to you, seems to be so far away. Whereas, a person who is at a distance that you know will never shorten, seems to be getting closer to you by the day. However, in such cases, it is not the kind of distance that you can cover by walking a few miles. May be a few years.

You're probably wondering what in the blue hell the first three lines were about. Well, I will let you know that as soon as I figure it out myself. Life has picked up a lot of pace again. It has been a little under two months at my new job and even though I'm not exactly too thrilled to be writing text books for standard 6-8, I don't have any complaints for now. A very close friend and colleague of mine, Shero, quit her job a day back and I'm very sure that I'm going to miss her a lot more than I think I will. Apart from her, I have not made too many friends at my new workplace. There are a few nodding acquaintances though.

I and Sid met Farzana a week back and it felt just as great as it always does. Not to mention that she is still buried under a pile of work, responsibilities and a familiar sadness. The good part being that she no longer feels the need to get up at 3:00 in the morning and think of doing something stupid, something that she would regret and so would we. So she is doing a little better than what she was previously.

Newsflash! My brother has quit drinking indefinitely. It came as a shock to me as well. Although I'm going to miss the weekly collision of our glasses filled with rum, it is not that bad either. I mean who doesn't want a healthy brother whose liver is doing just fine or a bill at the bar that I can actually afford to pay? By the way, he cracked a bank interview in a little under two minutes and landed the job. I know what you're thinking, this is not the surprising part as we all know how brilliant he is. He tried his best to sound modest saying that the bank was just too desperate to hire him and it had virtually nothing to do with his calibre, experience or ability. I know, he has a habit of doing that very often too. The bottom line is that he has almost got the job apart from the negotiation part that is yet to happen. My guess is that he will earn a pretty penny very soon and that can mean only one thing. More expensive rum. Well...the rum is for me....he is happy with a bushel of green apples it seems.

Making her way to this blog, in her very first appearance is.....(drumroll).... Scherbatsky! An interesting character that I came across thanks to my brother around a month back or so. They met on Facebook while commenting on someone else's status on Women's Day. That's how it started (I know, you're probably thinking..."Really?"). Fast forward a few months...and we're drinking together every Saturday! Scherbatsky is...something else. Strength, poise, intelligence, good looks along with a tinge of over-confidence, which has not got the better of her yet, are the ingredients that best describe the recipe named Scherbatsky. She isn't perfect....but as I said earlier...she is something else. She has now become a good friend. Although, it would really help if she stopped throwing drinks in my face or making fun of my paunch.....or my hair...or...well...the list goes on. But...it's good to have her around.

Well...I hope you're not still trying to make sense out of the first three lines. I thought you would've got it by now. Anyway, until next time, sing along.. We're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs....drink up me 'hearties yo-ho!

A pirate's life..

Embracing the dark night,

fighting with the sunny day,
enjoying life like never before,
still in the middle of harm's way..

The rum keeps me company,
just the way it always did,
if life ever gets auctioned,
the bottle will surely get the highest bid..

No matter what happens from now,

I know that I will never lose hope,

I will take my life to where it belongs,

and that is to the end of its rope..

Life wants to change its course again,

troubles are waiting to come and go,

so hold that bottle close to your chest,

and drink up me hearties, yo-ho..

Here I set sail for a long journey,

I will travel as far as the eye can see,

dying is the day worth living for,

but until then, it's a pirate's life for me..

Shifting gears..

It started feeling as if life was picking up some pace when I started looking for a job a few months back. The unfortunate souls who read my last post must be aware of this. Anyway, there was a new goal in life. Something to look forward to. Something to run after again. Something...that had been missing for a long time. It didn't turn out to be the smoothest of rides though. After failing in two interviews on the trot, my confidence level had hit at least a couple of yards below rock-bottom. And it didn't take me too long to look askance at myself in the mirror. Trust me, it's not a very good feeling. But then, finally, after a long wait, I got the job that I was looking for. Starting tomorrow, I am a content writer/developer for Mexus Education Pvt Ltd. I am supposed to write content for kids between the age group of 8-12 years. I know what you're thinking. I couldn't have found a better job than this.

On the personal front, the past two months have been a mixed bag of sorts. April added some flavor to my otherwise lackadaisical life, thanks to the call that I made to Prachi on her birthday. I know that it doesn't sound like something to write home about. But there's not much going in life otherwise, so I make do with these little things. Anyway, I sang her "happy birthday" only the way I can. Post that day, I have been calling her up every week. And more often than not, she has been kind enough to answer my calls.

Sid has been holidaying in North India for well over a fortnight now. So as you can imagine, Mumbai has not been the same for me since the last two weeks or so. But he's returning tomorrow. There will be a lot to catch up with and a lot of alcohol to consume.

My birthday is coming up on the 15th of this month. I am just four days away from turning 24. That should liven up May. My b-school friends got married a few days back in Kolkata and are holding the wedding reception in Mumbai. Right here, in Andheri. On the 15th of May. In case you're reading very carefully, I mentioned that date a little while ago. So I guess I have more than one reason to celebrate on that day.

Coming back to my new job, I am getting cold feet since morning. Quite frankly, I am missing my colleagues at my last company more than I expected to. And not just one or two of them, but the whole gang. Iccha, Payal, Harish, Rakesh, Ravi sir, Kalpana, Shaheen, Rajendra and Sriparna. It doesn't feel the same without them. I will surely try to go and meet them very soon. Very soon, indeed.

Whether there's a birthday or a wedding reception on the coming 15th, there is bound to be a lot of rum. Trust me, I will be in dire need of it by then. For now, mates, just wait and sing along..

We're devils and black sheep and really bad eggs... Drink up me hearties' yo-ho!

The Updates..

I wonder why it took me so long to find a few words to write in the year 2011. But, finally, the kid has come back to the blogging circuit. The last time I wrote sheer gibberish on this blog was way back in late November. Life has changed quite a bit in these past four months. As you go on reading this absurd piece of prose, you will realize how apt the title of the same is.

For starters, I finally realized that I did not exactly look worth a million bucks with a bald head. The oodles of weight that I had started putting on was not helping it either. By the fag end of December, I had started resembling a sad, pathetic and over-sized couch potato in his early forties. Besides the age part, the rest of that sentence still paints a very sordid, yet real picture of my life at present. My job is still eating away at me. And I would be lying if I say that I am not looking for a change as of now. I gave an interview recently. To be honest, I never really made it to the interview stage, I got eliminated in the test itself. The company made no bones about mentioning that I was "not able to match their benchmark".

I'm still smoking. More than ever, to be honest. But trying to quit for good this time around. Let's hope that it is not just one of my regular futile attempts. The weekly alcohol parties with Sid still manage to provide me some refuge from the Kafkaesque nightmare that my life has turned into. Quaffing some good old rum always helps. But somehow, sadly enough, gone are the days when my heart used to throb wildly. But it still beats enough number of times a day to remind me that I am alive.

But enough of me now. Sid broke up with his girlfriend almost a couple of months back. I guess it is safe to say that the new year was not exactly "happy" for the girl. Anyway, the fact is that he is in love with someone else. It is a whole different story altogether that the other relationship is not going to work out either, thanks to a barrage of complicated reasons. By the way, since he broke up at a cafe, he just found himself on the receiving end of a few cold words and a much colder stare. In other words, he managed to dodge the quintessential 'kick in the nuts'. And since the girl left seething in a few minutes, without ordering anything, he managed to escape the bill, too. And that turned out for the best, as we spent that money on alcohol the very next day. It took almost two years, but Sid did wake up. And I am sure that he has woken up to a far more beautiful, simple and peaceful life. I wish him all the love and luck in the world.

I have been trying to unlock the mystery named life for years now. And my quest for the same continued despite the incident that occurred this past year on September 5. Needless to say, I am still in love with Prachi. Post that day, I have been trying her number at least once a month, but in vain as usual. The text messages have not been good enough to fetch a reply either. After messaging her for the umpteenth time a month back, she called me up the next day. But thanks to network problems, I could not speak to her. I knew that being a LOOP subscriber will cost me someday. Anyway, contrary to what one may think, what happened next was...absolutely nothing. My calls went unanswered again. Although, I did receive a couple of text messages from her later which almost circled hostility.

I and Sid recently helped Farzana with a function that was held by her organization for the special kids. That felt nice. In fact, it felt nice just to see her again after several months.

By the way, I'm really enjoying watching the current feud between John Cena and Dwayne 'The Rock ' Johnson, who made his shocking return to the WWE a month back on Valentine's Day. The verbal battle between the two superstars is surely adding the 'E' to the 'WWE'. By far, these are some of the best promos that I have seen in the past 12 years. It is great to have the people's champ back anyway.

That's all for now, mates. See you soon. Until then, here's a tribute to the Great One..
I know I will find someone soon,
Soon, in her eyes I will be looking,
And this time around, I hope the girl has no option,
But to smell what The Kid is cooking!