Hysterically yours....

Trust me, if i ever become crazy enough to write a biography, and be even crazier to think that someone would read it, it would surely be named after the title of this post. I just realised that the last few posts of mine may have gone the distance to give the reader the impression that i'm about to cash in my chips. Well, for what it is worth, i'm not dying, atleast not any time sooner.

The other day, a very good friend of mine pointed out that i was trying to make my life look sadder than the condition of my hair. I didn't take much time to agree with the hair part. And after a little while, i agreed with the life part too. He also mentioned that the problems that i have in life are not because of the situations that i find myself in, but because of my attitude. While i was nodding along, i was simultaneously wondering why didn't he chose to kick me in the stomach instead.

Not being the one to mince words he went on to say that i repel women to the T whether i like it or not. Now it was my time to wonder why wasn't i kicking him in the stomach.

He also mentioned that i need to stop cribbing about life and get on with the same. It was almost ironic that he was telling me to to get on with my life while i felt like ending his. But i didn't do it, for two very important reasons. Firstly, because he was right, as he has always been and i had no plans of being in the slammer for 14 years for killing him. And secondly, because he is none other than that short, overweight, bespectacled, balding guy in the mirror i come across every now and then.

Now tell me, am i crazy enough to serve in prison for 14 years for killing myself...???

P.S.: THE AUTHOR WAS NOT IN A STATE OF SANITY AS USUAL. THAT IS THE REASON THERE IS A POST SCRIPT DESPITE NOT HAVING THE NEED FOR ONE. THE LAST THREE LINES ARE USELESS. STOP READING. STILL READING, ARENT YOU?

Possessed...

jhhhhhhgh

I'm not possessed by the Old Nick alright,

but by something a lot darker than the night,

whether good or evil wins this fight,

it'll take sometime for me to see the light....

bvbbbbbbvbv

Something is calling me out for sure,

despite being near it's a lot obscure,

it seems like something devoid of a cure,

though backed by anguish it's yet so pure.......

bvbvbvbv

It's coming from inside a deep black hole,

searching for yet another serene soul,

it's slowly crawling towards its goal,

gradually enough it will take its toll......

bvvbvbvbv

It's a time for a deal with the dark one,

now the evil shadow needs to hide the sun,

it needs to stay until its work is done,

until somehow i have this battle won..........

The slowdown....

This post is not meant to describe our economy's downfall. It's just an attempt to explain what is going on inside that unpredictable little head of mine. Now it seems like life's vehicle has shifted gears yet again, this time around to slow it down to the extent that it's hard to fathom whether or not the wheels are moving at all. The future now seems like a guest which will never arrive despite the wait. It feels as if i'm standing in the middle of a huge crowd which is busy in its own world, with its own people, with its own thoughts which don't have a place for me anymore.

It's not the end of the world they say, but i don't seem to notice a start either. There seems to be a silence everywhere around which is quite similar to the one that a stand-up comedian gets in return from his audience for cracking a poor joke. As far as my laughter is concerned, it seems to have become louder, but sadder. May be it wants to hide that silence i mentioned earlier. People normally press their hands hard against their ears to avoid a shrill noise. I seem to be doing the same to avoid that unbearable quiet.

And the only way to break the stillness around, is to be lucky enough to hear a soft whisper that has travelled miles to reach my ears but seems to have come from the lips that stand inches away from me, which i can sense despite my eyes being closed. That whisper will be music to my ears, a lullaby for the blues which will go to sleep forever, and also a love ballad that will ring in my ears forever.....and ever....

Recovering...

Well, it has been a week since the day of Judgement. Keeping aside the metaphors this time, it went exactly as i had expected. I wasn't expecting anything good by the way.

However, there was something that came out of it- the pent up emotions, the feelings and the desperation that was bottled up inside me for years. It felt great to pour my heart out one more time, knowing that it was probably the last time i was getting a chance to do so. I've had my share of shots, and i have to say that i have not been able to make the most of any of them.

Ironically enough, it has not changed a thing. Life's still the same. She's still the same. And most importantly, the root cause of this whole mess- 'i' am still the same.

So, life will go on. Not because it wants to, but because it has to. I just hope, i still do hope, that life does not have to go on alone in the future. And if it does, it will still have a few memories to keep it company. I need to go now, i need to go and make my memories.

The wait....

The rendezvous with destiny is only a few hours short of its time. As funny as it may sound, the wait for this evening is virtually blissful. This might be so because the outcome is so unpredictable that it does make me fear about the same. But atleast the flame of hope continues to burn until that dreaded hour arrives. Apart from that, it may so happen that things may remain completely unchanged despite the event. I'm not sure at this moment if that's something i should laugh or cry about. I guess that's something i'll find out by this evening.

I've never believed in destiny, i mean the one which is said to be pre-determined by the alpha and omega, to be precise. I've believed in making my own destiny, writing my own story. Of course i do agree with the fact that the people in my life have altered the course of this story of mine in the past and they will continue to do so in the future as well. But the point i'm trying to hammer home is that i will have no regrets by the time i'm 90 [that is if i live long enough to see 90] which i would crib about to my family [that is if i find people crazy enough to be with me till i reach 90].

I will always stick to my guns when it comes to the fact that one should always say what one wants to say. One should always try to get what one wants to achieve. Because all we can do is try. I learnt a long time back that the regret of saying something is not even half as painful as the regret of not saying the same. The more words you let out of yourself, the lighter you feel.

The truth is that it takes just a second, just a single moment to change your life for the better or worse. The problem is that some of us are lucky enough to live that moment while some are not. I don't know if i'll get my moment or not. But i will make sure that my life doen't get a chance to say 'what if?'

It's always better late than never. I hope this adage rings true this evening.