Pulling out all the stops...

As the D-day nears, i retrospect on the past seven years that have formed a defining period of my life. And it all culminates this Sunday as i confront destiny in its purest form. The only good part is that i've never feared looking straight into the eyes of the dragon of reality, though i haven't found a way to tame it either. When the sun rises on the first day of this forthcoming week, the air will indeed grow colder than usual, and there won't be left a count of the number of beats that my heart will skip.

But come what may, i must pour my heart out one more time this Sunday and that too, like never before. Life isn't always kind enough to give us a second chance. However, it has been very generous towards me and now i can't ask for more. Now it's up to me to make sure that this second shot pays off. Now it's up to my character, my conscience, my pathetic sense of humour, my idiosyncrasies and my heart to show their true calibre. It has been so long that in my heart of hearts i feel and i know that something's got to give.

So to sum it up, my sobriquet will prove its worth this Sunday, when i pull out all the stops and make one last desperate attempt to reach out and catch the dream i've been running after for what now seems like eternity. And for what it is worth, irrespective of what transpires this Sunday, the legend of VINTAGE AASHIQ will live on, until hell freezes over.

Not the end...

There's one thing in life on which i can bet,
never on this friendship the sun will set,
i may lose again in this quest of mine,
by the end of it though i'll still be fine.........

There's still a lot to look forward to,
you never know what tomorrow will do,
i may still land up in that coveted heaven,
where there's just one tear while the smiles are seven......

It'll take more than this to dent my heart,
soon with my sorrows our ways i'll part,
soon with my life my fences i'll mend,
because the world hasn't yet come to an end...

Judgement Day...

After that long break from writing prose, i'm back to it with a purpose known best to me. They say once a person dies, his spirit is either welcomed in heaven or pushed beyond the gates of hell. Well, i may be confronted with a similar situation this sunday, the ony difference being that i would be experiencing either hell or heaven with my soul still very much inside my body. And that may make it all the more painful.

I don't believe in God and i never will. But i do believe in miracles, and not the ones which involve a magic wand or an evil spell or God's mercy, but the ones which involve the magic of love and a change of heart. I will be needing nothing short of such a miracle this weekend if i want to return back home with my soul untouched. I don't curse the approaching event, as i'm the one who has made a wish for it. Even though i may have set up the gun in a position to shoot myself in the foot, i've now reached a point of no return. Now there's no way out, and in case there is one, then i will have to be lucky enought to see it.

But being very honest to myself, i don't believe this coming weekend will alter my thoughts or my emotions. It may mark the end of an era. Although i will do anything and everything humanly possible to make sure it doesn't happen, because some eras, like this one, are meant to last forever.

The clock's ticking as i write this post, and i await the arrival of this weekend. Because i think it's time...it's time to face the music....it's time to weather the storm..it's time to savor the moment...as soon it will be gone...it's time to make or break.....it's time to have my final say...it's time to see where i stand..it's time for my Judgement Day....

The gallows....

You may imagine an empty space,
you may sense that the end is near,
there's a broken smile and a deadened face,
but somehow there seems to be no fear.......

Then there's that familiar quiet again,
every bit as cold as a stranger,
there's nothing left to lose or gain,
who cares about the coming danger.......

Somehow the voices have died down,
leaving behind an eerie feeling,
it's like being alone in a ghost town,
where even the wind will send you reeling......

Then a chill runs down your back,
making the hair on your neck stand,
it is then hard to see your track,
you never know where you may land.....

You then struggle with your very heart,
within yourself you need to fight,
it never really was a good start,
hence the end was not meant to be right.....

Lifer.........

I thought the dark cloud had descended,

the run of bad times had finally ended,

but i think i spoke too soon too fast,

it seems till eternity that spell will last.......

There's nowhere left to run or hide,

whether i like it or not i've to take this ride,

i know by the end of it my heart will be torn,

it won't hurt that bad as i'm used to being alone..........

It may take some time for it to pass away,

i won't wait for the arrival of that day,

as it doesn't make a difference to me now,

the show's over and it's time to take a bow.......

jfjdffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

There's nothing more i can say or do,

to make sure someday she doesn't bid adieu,

the sad part's that she will never decipher,

that somehow unknowingly i've become her lifer.......

Impulsive.........

The thought of her never leaves my mind,

her laughter in my ears is all i can find,

when she goes away my smile does too,

for the first time my heart's not sure what to do..........

What i feel now is hard to explain,

the tears can't be seen as i'm walking in the rain,

her face is all i see when i close my eyes,

every second on my soul that thought of her spies........

I know this is the time to take a step forward,

i'm not sure what'll happen from this time onward,

i have an idea which is quite simple and plain,

i may allow my heart to be guided by my brain.......

Where there's a god there has to be a devil,

you need one of those to reach the next level,

despite the light you can't ignore the darker side,

as where there's a Dr.Jekyll there has to be a Mr.Hyde......

It's hard to believe what i now think,

it has made the guy in the mirror wink,

it has shocked me as well for how could i feel,

that it might be the time to lie, cheat and steal.......

In a fix....again...

I promise she'll never figure it out,

let alone learn she won't even sense a doubt,

it will remain hidden and out her view,

i've to devour every second as the hours left are few...

Once again the hard way i have learned,

when least expected is when the tables get turned,

i'm caught again in that lovely web,

if Jan's like this i wonder what's in store for Feb............

So many things will be left unsaid,

it won't be known how my heart has bled,

these times will run and will soon be gone,

the night will arrive while i wait for the dawn....

I tried finding a way but wasn't lucky enough,

i tried lying too but life called my bluff,

in an instant i've sensed the return of the pain,

of course i'm sure i'm in a fix again...

The world may soon come to an end,

death may change sides and become a friend,

there won't be left a right or a wrong,

and i'll say goodbye while humming this song...

Spilling my beans..

The last time i had thought this way,

was indeed an unforgettable day,

the time at present though seems to say,

the thought's returned forever to stay...

What happens now only time will tell,

whether in front of love again i knell,

being familar with that unbridled spell,

i know it's nothing short of being in hell..

They say once bitten, twice shy,

in case of this i would never lie,

one never knows- when, how and why,

but your very heart begins to fly...

It somehow manages to turn you blind,

with the softest touch it makes you grind,

the heart overtakes the rational mind,

your soul's lost which in her eyes you'll find....

Back in business...

This post may sound like a sequel to the previous one. Ever since i've quit smoking, i've been missing the similarities that i and the habit shared, nonetheless. Smoking stinks; so do my jokes. Smoking kills; people feel like killing themselves while me being around. Smoking is injurious to health; so am i to one's mental health. Smoking repels women; i've some experience in that department.

The second semester has gotten off to a flyer, no pun intended. The month long break seems to have done the trick by revitalising us to an extent where we seem to have started enjoying ourselves, keeping aside the worries of the results as well as those of the summer internships which still look like a pie-in-the-sky for each of us. I don't think that burying our heads in the sand is going to help, as it never does.

Apart from that, i seem to have made peace with the present. And i'm reverting back to my old principle of taking each day at a time. The new year has made itself look very promising since the start, and i hope that it is able to live up to the hype that it has created. There is no plan in place for me as usual, and it is better that way. I've come to realise that there's now a better rapport between me and my friends back at my college, which is something that has granted me some respite from the emotional turmoil that i find myself in every now and then. My old friends have had my back so far, and i hope that it stays that way.

So i guess that one of the reasons that i'm happier than usual now-a-days is my friends, my amigos. So i think i'm trying to thank my friends and my family for bringing me back in business, which i plan to stay in for a long, long time.

To hell and back...

Nope, you're wrong again. This is not the title of a book written by some guy who escaped from the evil clutches of a bunch of terrorists from the TAJ or the TRIDENT a few months back. This is about me again, as it always is.

A few weeks back my heart had prompted me to start sucking poison into my lungs for a reason beyond my understanding. And since i've never had the habit of questioning my heart, i went along with the idea. To tell the truth, i had actually started enjoying the journey of slow death that i had embarked upon. But then, i think the smoke wasn't thick enough to abstain me from looking into the eyes of my own conscience. Not to mention, the eyes of the several people around me which had seemed to grow bigger as i had let them know about my new obsession.

When i was told to quit, which is something that a person will do even if he is as clean as that KASAB fellow, i hadn't taken it very seriously. When the advice coming from my friends started seeming frighteningly genuine, the fact that they wouldn't mind me sticking around for a longer time, dawned on me. It always feels pretty darn good when people tell you that they want to see you live longer than what you want to. But that ain't the reason i quit.

Yesterday, as i said goodbye to a friend of mine in the bus and got down to start walking towards the other bus stop to catch my second bus, i was propelled to smoke again. Which, of course, i did. I smoked around two of them. And then, something happened. Something that is almost undescribable. Out of the depths of my heart of hearts, came a cry which said, "What the hell are you doing dumbass?" Trust me, my heart has never been so abrasive with me before.

Being at the mercy of my instincts, as i've been since the time i can remember, i gave in again. Though this time round, i knew it was for the better. There were around three gaspers remaining in the pack which i decided to blow out to give my soon to be ex-habit, a well-deserved, memorable farewell. I took out the last but third one, stuck it between my lips, lighted the same, took around two puffs, and then started to stare at the butt in my hand with a silly grin on my face. I then smiled the way one does while saying goodbye to an old friend knowing that he's leaving never to return. I let the stick drop to the ground after which i stubbed it out, and hurled away the pack containing two cigarettes along with my lighter on the other side of the road.

My bus arrived in a split of a second, as if almost to tell me that i had done the right thing and didn't needed to regret what i had just done. I boarded it, found myself the much coveted window seat and switched on the radio. As i went back home with a smile on my face and a radiance which seemed to bemuse my mom by its presence at 11.30pm, i realised how mercurial an individual i really was.

And one more time i heard myself say, "In the matters of the heart, one has no idea how fast things can change.."

The devil's time..

The time's come for evil to stay,

where nothing will be able to drive it away,

the world may've reached the end of the line,

watch out..watch out..it's the devil's time....

One never knew when the darkness fell,

and the world was left just a shallow shell,

something that kills had invaded the shrine,

watch out..watch out..it's the devil's time.....

The flame of hope had then gone out,

the end had neared without a shred of a doubt,

the eclipse had then concealed the shine,

watch out..watch out..it's the devil's time.....

This era will end someday for sure,

the deadly gaze will cease to lure,

all will be well and just about fine,

but for now..watch out...it's the devil's time...