VINTAGE AASHIQ..........

To hell and back...

Nope, you're wrong again. This is not the title of a book written by some guy who escaped from the evil clutches of a bunch of terrorists from the TAJ or the TRIDENT a few months back. This is about me again, as it always is.

A few weeks back my heart had prompted me to start sucking poison into my lungs for a reason beyond my understanding. And since i've never had the habit of questioning my heart, i went along with the idea. To tell the truth, i had actually started enjoying the journey of slow death that i had embarked upon. But then, i think the smoke wasn't thick enough to abstain me from looking into the eyes of my own conscience. Not to mention, the eyes of the several people around me which had seemed to grow bigger as i had let them know about my new obsession.

When i was told to quit, which is something that a person will do even if he is as clean as that KASAB fellow, i hadn't taken it very seriously. When the advice coming from my friends started seeming frighteningly genuine, the fact that they wouldn't mind me sticking around for a longer time, dawned on me. It always feels pretty darn good when people tell you that they want to see you live longer than what you want to. But that ain't the reason i quit.

Yesterday, as i said goodbye to a friend of mine in the bus and got down to start walking towards the other bus stop to catch my second bus, i was propelled to smoke again. Which, of course, i did. I smoked around two of them. And then, something happened. Something that is almost undescribable. Out of the depths of my heart of hearts, came a cry which said, "What the hell are you doing dumbass?" Trust me, my heart has never been so abrasive with me before.

Being at the mercy of my instincts, as i've been since the time i can remember, i gave in again. Though this time round, i knew it was for the better. There were around three gaspers remaining in the pack which i decided to blow out to give my soon to be ex-habit, a well-deserved, memorable farewell. I took out the last but third one, stuck it between my lips, lighted the same, took around two puffs, and then started to stare at the butt in my hand with a silly grin on my face. I then smiled the way one does while saying goodbye to an old friend knowing that he's leaving never to return. I let the stick drop to the ground after which i stubbed it out, and hurled away the pack containing two cigarettes along with my lighter on the other side of the road.

My bus arrived in a split of a second, as if almost to tell me that i had done the right thing and didn't needed to regret what i had just done. I boarded it, found myself the much coveted window seat and switched on the radio. As i went back home with a smile on my face and a radiance which seemed to bemuse my mom by its presence at 11.30pm, i realised how mercurial an individual i really was.

And one more time i heard myself say, "In the matters of the heart, one has no idea how fast things can change.."